Sometimes he didn't want to know
by K-9mom
Summary: Just a silly story I put together for fun. It is basically a Jack/Sam story but involves Daniel & Teal'c as well as other SGC members. I gave it a rating of M just to be cautious, sorry, no real sex. I do not own any part of Stargate SG-1 or any affiliates and wrote this simply for fun. No profit is being made. Hope you enjoy... again, just a silly story for fun! :)


**This is just a silly little story I quickly put together when I thought of it. It is Jack/Sam (and team) with no sex, though is adult content and very minor swearing.**

 **I hope you enjoy it!**

It had started off as a typical morning at Stargate Command. SG-1, the Air Force's number one off world team was gearing up to visit PX9-276. Captain Samantha Carter had the technicians send a MALP through the gate earlier in the day to be sure they wouldn't be attacked. Nothing was seen, looked similar to a meadow in Missouri. A large open field with no trees for quite a long way off, except there was what appeared to be an entry way made of wood timbers leading to a trail which parted the short grass.

The entry seemed to have writing on it which even SG-1's resident Archeologist couldn't decipher with the poor image the MALP's camera relayed. Dr Daniel Jackson always became excited when he saw writings so he began begging Capt Carter and the team leader Colonel Jack O'Neill to go to the planet. Col O'Neill asked the fourth team member Teal'c if he had ever been to this planet or seen an entry way like that. He stated he had not however it reminded him vaguely of the planets where Thor had been known to watch over. This was a minor concern for Teal'c as the last time they had entered one of Thor's worlds, the hammer had zapped him away to another place however Thor had promised that he fixed the hammer to allow Teal'c safe passage onto the planet.

During the briefing General George Hammond had given them a "go" to check out PX9-276, so off they went to get dressed in their green ABU/BDU uniforms, tactical vests, P-90's slung over their shoulders, Beretta's holstered to their right legs, except Teal'c who always carried his Staff Weapon and Zat gun instead of the human weaponry.

After 7 years of working together as a team, they prepared fluently and were ready in minutes. As they all met down in the Gate Room, General Hammond had Walter dial up the Stargate and it whooshed open. As the last team member arrived in the room to leave, the General gave them his traditional "God Speed" and they all began walking up the ramp to embark to the new planet.

The team arrived on the planet and stood just inside the Stargate on the ready in case there was trouble however they seemed to be alone so they eased up a bit. They approached the wooden entry way and Daniel tried to read what appeared to be old Greek writing which simply said "Welcome" and it had engravings of people and cherubs appearing to be happy and free spirited dancing in the water. The Colonel had this gut feeling that it was a set up for something however he didn't feel real danger. The other three felt it was ok and so the team proceeded forward. As they walked through the entry they didn't feel anything for a moment until it happened "zap" a bolt of light and when their eyes cleared from the light, they realized they were stripped of their things… all of their things, tools, weapons, and…., clothes. Jack was probably the quickest with his hands to cover his manhood as Sam realized what had happened when all three of her male team members were naked as the moment they were when born and she realized she too was naked. Her hands flung over her chest and the other to her womanhood but not fast enough to have not been seen by the guys. Daniel was covering himself as well while Teal'c stood proud as he always did, manhood hanging in the breeze for all to see. Sam and Daniel both turned around as fast as they could, "OMG! What the hell?"

Jack was too busy taking in the eye candy while trying not to inappropriately look at his 2IC in the buff. He knew this must be horribly embarrassing for Sam especially, not that she had anything to be embarrassed about, he thought. "Ok, Daniel, dial up the gate, let's get outta here!" Daniel walked to the gate then realized he didn't have his IDC. "Uh, Jack? Do you have your IDC?" Each of the team members looked at their arms and they realized they had been stripped of those as well. "Damn it! Who are these people that think this is the best way to welcome newcomers?" Teal'c pipped up, "Actually is probably the safest way to ensure they can not harm your planet." Jack knew he was right but just rolled his eyes.

By this point Daniel had stopped being bashful as well as Jack. He figured it wasn't like the three of them had never seen each other in the buff, they had to shower and dress together but he was trying to balance how appropriate it would be for his female 2IC which he had chemistry with, see him in his birthday suit. "Alright, let's move out towards those trees and we can make something to cover ourselves up." They all agreed, "Looks like at least 2 miles sir." Jack nodded, "let's get moving then then."

The team started walking with Sam leading the way. Jack couldn't take his eyes off his 2IC's rear end with just enough jiggle in her well shaped ass, as she stepped and he felt his manhood begin to stiffen. He did his best to make his mind keep himself in check which it did for the most part. "Carter, can you walk behind us?" Sam did as she was asked but wondered why and Jack covered himself as she turned to move to the back. As they continued, she giggled to herself, when she watched the guys walking in front of her and she figured it out. There was not much to see with Jack's or Daniels skinny butts but Teal'c rear end had this perfect little bounce and she could only imagine it was killing Jack to watch her in front of him. She tried to keep her eyes off her IC's ass but it was so small and cute, she almost wanted to pinch it. _OMG… stop thinking about his ass! You are in his command, SO inappropriate!_ She thought to herself. Of course she had seen parts of each of her guys while either hurt or recovering in the infirmary but never the full view. She felt much more comfortable in the back so freed her hands a bit as they walked.

As they approached the tree line there was a line of rough rocks about 4 feet wide. It appeared to have been a water way at one time but was just a dry bed at the moment. Jack stepped over them and with the way the sun hit, she saw his total package hang down between his spread legs. Her eyes were in awe and she had a hard time looking away. _Holy Hannah! He's build like a freaking horse!_ She turned away and blushed as he turned halfway to be sure everyone got over but as Sam again covering herself as best as she can, didn't get a good enough jump and she fell right into Jack who caught her. He helped her back up and quickly let go of her as she was totally exposed to him as he was to her which made his manhood begin to react again with her against him.

Daniel and Teal'c had continued into the tree line where Jack & Sam caught up and all they could find were trees with tiny little leaves, nothing with large enough leaves to cover much but they decided it would be best to take the stringy branches and weave them together to make a few layers. It would be like a mini hula skirt but better than nothing. And they all helped Sam make something to cover her chest, her very luxurious chest Jack thought.

They helped each other get tied into their new clothes and then they started back down the path which brought them to a village and they heard people. Children were running around nude and adults walking around just as bare. Quickly they were met by two men and a woman, "welcome to our village. I see you have decided to cover yourselves. Please understand that we do not allow covering of any kind, you must remove them." Jack grinned, "I don't think so!" The man became angered, "I see this woman has multiple men, does she require that you do this?" And the two looked at Sam, "Do you require that they stay covered?" Sam blushed and Jack looked her in the eye. "Yes, I do!" The village men huffed. "You can not be here if you are covered!"

Daniel stepped up, "Why is it that you want everyone naked? In our culture we wear clothing." The woman stepped in front of her men "Quiet men… and he looked at Sam. Why do you let your man speak for you?" Sam looked surprised and turned to Jack and back again. "Um.. they are not MY men. This is Colonel…" she was going to introduce her team. "No.. no.. clearly you are the woman and these are your three husbands correct?" Sam nearly choked, "Husbands? No, they are my team mates."

As Sam looked to the woman she realized the woman was clearly in charge of the two men behind her. "Are these your two husbands?" The woman nodded, "yes, all women on our planet have multiple men." Jack just grinned and Daniel leaned into Sam, "they must be polyandry. It is like polygamy but reversed." Jack and Sam both heard him but as Sam leaned away Daniel kept telling Jack in his excited way that always annoyed Jack, "It was traditionally practiced among Tibetans in Nepal, parts of China and part of northern India, in which two or more brothers are married to the same wife, with the wife having equal "sexual access" to them."

Jack's eyes lit up, "you know me, I am always happy to be accessible." Daniel shook his head, "Um, no, I don't think you understand. It means all three of us would be accessible to Sam and only Sam." Jack's face dropped, "Oh.." He stopped for a moment as the thoughts of making himself available for Sam to use whenever she wanted actually made him blush and shook his head to clear it.

When the two women finished speaking Sam still had not completely convinced the woman that there was no relationship between her and the three men with her other than good friends and teammates. She asked the woman where their belongings were but the woman simply said they were gone.

Sam walked back over to the other SG-1 members and told them what she had spoken about. And she told the guys she insisted they all stay covered. The woman had offered them a place to stay and they followed the woman to the empty house. As they walked in they found a central room which seemed to be the living quarters and two beds which were in separate rooms. The woman left them alone but told them they were invited to dinner and that she would return to retrieve them when dinner was ready.

The team sat in the chairs in the living quarters to discuss their strategy. They could try dialing the SGC and when there was no IDC, maybe the General would send another team to retrieve them but unless that iris was opened they couldn't go through or send anything through the gate. They would have to wait at the gate because if the other team came through and walked through the entry way, they too would be stripped of their things, including the IDC. Jack and Teal'c agreed that after dinner they would go up there and look around to see if there was any way to find their things. Clearly finding their cloths and the IDC's would be much less embarrassing when they returned to Earth and no one but the four of them would have to know anything.

The woman had returned for them and they went to a large room where all the village residents gathered for one meal. It was quite awkward to sit and eat in front of all these nude men and women and hard not to look at some of them, others you didn't want to look at again if one could help it

.

After dinner, they were told that it was time for cleansing and to follow the others to the river for their nightly wash. The team though it was odd but followed suit. They all entered and the water was cold which made Carters "girls" stand at attention and peek through the leaves. Teal'c and Daniel were not paying attention however Jack caught a glimpse before quickly looking away before Carter could see him. For the guys the water caused another problem as Jack continued to try to hold the leaves down over his groin. Daniel didn't seem to care but was deep enough in the water to be covered as he was shorter than Jack. Teal'c in all his nude glory walked into the water as if it was warm bath water and Jack finally gave up and dipped low enough to cover himself with his hand.

Jack and Sam were near each other but not facing till one turned and they made eye contact. Jack gave a quick smirk, "waters a bit, cold….. and I am having a bit of a shrinkage problem here." Sam just chuckled and looked away.

When it was time to get out, they let the villagers lead the way but they were told it was now time to return to their homes and be with their azl partners. They all looked to Daniel, "azl.. um, that is greek for sex." They all looked around again as they walked out of the water. Sam did her best not to look but she couldn't help but sneek a peek at Teal'c. _Holy Hannah, when they say they get shrinkage, they are not kidding!_ The thought of the Colonel's manhood having the same issue ran through her head.

The woman left them alone again after leading them back to their house. "Now, is the time that Sam here has to decide which of her husbands will satisfy her needs on this night. I will see you all in the morning." And off the woman walked to her own home as she caught up to her two husbands.

The four walked back into the house and looked at each other as Jack couldn't resist, "Yes Sam, which of your husbands will satisfy your needs on this night?" he said with a sheepish grin. Daniel froze, "What if that water causes a spike in a persons uh… labido?" Sam turned nearly to fear, _oh my god, it could be like the time they had all turned to cavemen/women and she couldn't help but want take Jack?_ Finally Jack's voice snapped her out of it, "no worry Daniel, I think we would feel something by now." Daniel wasn't sure but dropped the subject. They all realized again that there were only two beds.

Jack spoke up, "Ooook, now what. Clearly we are not doing things their way." Sam blushed as Jack tried to behave. So many lines had been crossed today he thought now was not the time to push the envelope. Daniel spoke up, well, the beds are big enough for 2 each. I guess Teal'c and I could share the one here…" Jack stopped him, "and I will sleep on the floor." Jack preferred that actually. There was just something about sharing a bed with a naked man that he couldn't get past, even if he thought of the guy as a brother. And of course he wouldn't mind sharing the bed with Sam but _wrong… oh so wrong!_ He thought to himself. The room Daniel and Teal'c took was just big enough for the bed and not much else and the other room was much larger. As Sam  & Jack looked at the other room, Sam thought about the Colonel's bad back, "Sir, I will sleep on the floor, your back is bad enough." Jack just shook his head. "No way Carter, the bed is yours."

Teal'c and Daniel had already gone off to their room which they thought would have sheets, a blanket, something but no, just a bed made of straw and no cover. Daniel thought it was very strange then realized the planet probably never had a winter so they wouldn't need them.

The two Air Force Officers did as they planned with Sam taking the bed. Jack got as comfortable as he could with just a little straw pillow and nothing to cover the floor or himself. Clearly when he laid down the leaves on his skirt fell to the side so he thought for once maybe he should try to sleep on his stomach.

After a few hours, Sam had fallen asleep but Jack just couldn't get comfortable. He tossed and he turned, _what the hell is wrong with you O'Neill? You sleep on the ground all the time!_ He stayed as quiet as he could until finally Sam whispered to him. "Sir, you don't seem very comfortable down there. I know it's probably not appropriate however, it is a large bed and it's not like we don't already share a tent, is this much different?"

Jack just laid there in the darkness thinking about lying nearly naked next to Samantha Carter. Would that be just too stimulating to handle? But, she was right, it wasn't like they had not shared a tent or even laid against each other at times during some of the more extreme missions. "Sir?" Sam broke his thought process.

"Carter… I don't want us to cross any lines that we don't want to cross." Sam smiled at the thought but it was as awkward for her as it was for him to accept. Keeping it as professional as she could, "Sir, I think it will be fine." As he was standing she made sure she was as covered as she could be and faced away from him. Jack took his position on the other side of the bed and laid on his side facing away from her. The bed was actually quite comfortable and they both started to fall asleep fairly quickly but not before Jack whispered low enough for Sam not to hear "night Sam", while she did the same, "Goodnight… Jack". Neither heard the other but they both fell asleep until morning when Daniel walked into the room "WHOOO! Sorry guys!" and he left the room.

The two had slept so soundly that they didn't jump out of the bed right away. Sam woke up first with Jack waking up a bit slower. Jack was flat on his back with Sam's body snuggled up close against his with her leg on top of his thigh, her head on his chest, her arm laying over him with her hand in his chest hair and Jack's arm wrapped around almost cradling her. The feel of the skin to skin felt so good, Sam was so comfortable in that spot then realized what was happening causing her to jump up a bit embarrassed. "I am SO sorry sir!" Jack finally caught up, "for what Carter? It's not like anything happened!" Sam sat on the side of the bed and looked away, "ah sir. Lets just say, this time, I know it's not your sidearm!" She couldn't help but blush but the sight of his morning erection was burned into her mind's eye. He jumped up when he remembered he wasn't wearing pants and he blushed. "Sorry Carter, that little guy wakes up saluting the flag every morning. I can't help it." Sam kept looking away "T.M.I. Sir!" and she chuckled so he would know she wasn't offended. _Ok Carter, control yourself!_ She thought. _You are a big girl, it's not like you haven't seen a penis or even THAT penis before! Get your shit together. He's your CO, come on!_ She finally started to clear her head "Not a problem sir."

"I will be right back.. let me… uh... go take care of something." he said as he left the room. Sam felt her cheeks flush as she shook her head. _Holy Hannah! I thought he was well hung before, seeing him in THIS condition…. it must be a couple inches even bigger!_ She started to fan herself as she stood up and went into the other room where Daniel & Teal'c were..

By the time Jack returned he seemed have settled things down but he and Sam still didn't face each other due to the embarrassment. Daniel just looked at the two officers, "so, I see the floor didn't work out for you." "Daniel! The Colonel did sleep on the floor but I kept hearing him toss and turn so I invited him to share the bed. It's not like anything happened!" Daniel just smiled, "no, but you too were awfully close!" "Daniel…. Shut up" and Jack tossed a small rock at him "nothing happened." Sam didn't know how or when she ended up crawling over to Jack during the night but she figured she must have been cold. But Jack remembered…. yup, he woke up when he felt her snuggle against him and after a moment of feeling her against him, his arm cradled her as he took a moment to think about how wonderful it would be to have this every night, and then he went right back to lala land. But he would never tell her or especially Daniel that he knew damn well what was happening at the moment.

After breakfast the team made the trek back to the gate to see if they could get the General's attention. Of course at this point they were also late to return so that would be helpful. Daniel dialed the gate and it flooded for a moment before it dwindled out. "I guess we sit here and wait to see if Hammond makes a move." Daniel spent his time studying the entryway in hopes of finding anything that may lead them back to their clothes but besides the little cherubs and the welcome sign, there didn't seem to be a clue.

About an hour later they were just too hot sitting in the sun. This planet was like the tropics without the water. "Ok, let's get to some shade. I think I am getting burned in places the sun doesn't usually shine." He looked to Sam and gave a sideways grin. "Sounds like a plan to me sir!"

When they were about a mile away, they heard the gate whoosh and a saw the UAV fly through so they all started waving and calling to it. The little plane passed them then circled back and did a few fly by's while Sam made the arm gesture meaning they are missing their IDC's.

The plane landed and SG-3 came through. The team members of SG-1 were running back to the gate while Daniel grabbed the UAV. Walter, Siler, and Hammond were all back at the SGC watching the video and it was showing them three bare asses running so clearly Daniel was the rear of the pack. Hammond rolled his eyes, "shut the UAV down." Siler grinned and did as he was told.

Colonel Reynolds and his team were just about to pass under the entry way when SG-1 was close enough to tell them to stop. Sam stopped behind her three guys hoping to shield herself from the other team and Jack seemed to step in front of her anyway. She knew he subconsciously protected her. SG-3 was laughing when Jack shot them a look of death and Reynolds finally had his men stop. "What in the hell Jack?! You four get yourselves into some of the strangest predicaments!" Jack smirked, "ya, well when you are the first line team like us, anything can happen. I will explain later!" Reynolds nodded and tried to hold in his laugh.

"Alright someone dial us out of here!" Jack yelled out when Teal'c stopped. "O'Neill, we can not dial the gate while Colonel Reynolds and his men are on the steps, the event horizon will hit them when the gate opens. They must come through the entry." Reynolds and his men began coming down the steps when he put his hand on Reynolds' chest. "Hold up. If you guys come through this gate…. oh, never mind, let me have your IDC." The rest of SG-3 walked under the entry way as Reynolds handed Jack his IDC. Jack just smirked and bobbed his head a bit knowing what was going to happen. As Reynolds made it through, he placed the IDC on the bottom step of the landing and told Teal'c to dial it up. Just as he was, a flash came over the SG members and poof SG-3 was standing there in their birthday suites as well and SG-1 started laughing. At least at this point they had their leafy little skirts and bikini. Reynolds and his guys were mortified as they covered their manhoods with their hands. Sam blushed but said "what's the matter boys? Are you bashful?" And SG-1 laughed at them again. Reynolds turned beat red and Jack knew he was in for it but the gate opened and just as Jack suspected it didn't hit the IDC hidden on the bottom step so he reached in and they all followed him onto the steps as Jack dialed in the code and they all went through, SG-1 letting SG-3 lead the way. "Marine's First, right guys? Isn't that what you always tell me?"

Hammond didn't know if there were any injuries causing SG-1 to have lost their clothes so he had the full medical team waiting in the Gate Room as well as his SF's all lined up on the ready in case there was a problem.

As SG-3 came through holding their manhoods, Hammond shook his head and ran down to the room. "Stand down! Clear out!" He commanded the SF's as they left chuckling. Dr Frasier had a big smirk on her face as the men each made their way towards the door. "I want to see every one of you in the infirmary." She couldn't help but picture them all as little bashful boys with their heads down in embarrassment. Everyone in the Control Room was laughing and the females had their eyes glued to the naked man entering. Finally Daniel came through with the UAV, and wearing his little skirt followed by Teal'c walking proud and uncovered, then Jack in his skirt with Sam walking fairly close behind him for cover. Dr Frasier ran over and put her lab coat over Sam which was a tad short but better than nothing.

"What on earth?" Dr Frasier asked. Sam just shook her head. "I'll explain later!" and they followed Jack and Hammond had stopped him. He looked his Colonel up and down, "Colonel, what on earth happened over there? Where are all your clothes?" Jack rolled his eyes, "Sir, can I get dressed first?" Hammond just shook his head and chuckled. "Infirmary, then dressed, then briefing in 1 hour!" He chirped as Jack and Sam replied "yes sir!" and they walked to the infirmary Jack still ahead of Sam even though she now had the lab coat, and Doc bringing up the rear just shaking her head as she watched all these guys bare butts walking to her infirmary..

SG-3 lined up along the wall inside the infirmary until SG-1 and the Doc entered. Doc took Sam's arm and led her to the first bed and pulled the curtain, then she motioned for Jack and slid his curtain, and so on down the line until they all had their little area's. Dr Frasier told one of her assistants to get scrub pants and shirt for each of them which he did and left them in a pile near the beds outside each of the curtains. Doc went to Sam first and checked her over. Sam explained that nothing had ever touched them and that the trip was fairly uneventful except that they were all nude. "Oh, how awful!" Sam grinned and blushed at her friend's innuendo. Dr Frasier was of course worried that something had possibly happened to her female friend. Some of the planets had crude things happening and to women especially but realized this didn't appear to be the case. "Ya, I guess it wasn't the worst place we've ever been but we did have to walk a couple miles before we found trees to make these." Doc just smiled a big smile at her friend and nodded leaning her head towards the next bed which was the Colonel, "So, now you know what I am talking about?" Sam shook her head with a huge grin and didn't think her cheeks could get any redder. "Later!" was all the Doc said as she leaned out and grabbed the scrubs for Sam and tossed them on the bed. "You look fine, let me know if anything changes. I am off to do my rounds" the Doc smirked and wiggled her eyebrows making Sam chuckle.

Sam heard the next curtain slide, knowing it was Jack's bed "Ok Colonel, any problems? Any cuts, scrapes, injuries?" she heard the Doc ask. "Doc… does it LOOK like I have any injuries?" Sam could tell Jack was in a wise ass mood but knew Dr Frasier could handle him. For such a small woman she could take down any of the men on the base, including the one and only, Jack O'Neill. "No, sir, I don't see anything visible but with the way you are holding yourself I wasn't sure you weren't hurt! Should I take a look or are you just being bashful? I mean come on, I do your prostate exam for crying out loud!" Sam grinned and thought to herself, _haha, she's got you!_ "Carter… I herd that!" _Oops!_ "Sorry sir, what was that?" And she finished getting dressed. "Nothing Carter!"

Sam exited her curtained area and waited near the door of the infirmary for the rest of her team. Doc stepped out of Jack's area, grabbed a tube of something and stepped back in which made Sam's eyebrows furrow a bit thinking about whether he was injured or not so she walked back towards her bed and heard the Doc telling Jack to use the cream twice a day for the chafing and sunburn. Then Doc reached out and tossed the scrubs onto Jack's bed as she exited and re closed the curtain before going to Daniel and so on.

When Jack exited his curtain he saw Sam standing there so he walked to her. She met his eye, "are you ok sir?" He blushed but answered with a smirk, "sunburn in that place the sun doesn't usually shine! Besides, those branches caused a bit of… chafing." Sam grinned before Jack leaned in and whispered as he got close so no one else could hear. "So, our reports will say….." Jack started but Sam finished "you slept on the floor sir." Jack looked Sam directly in the eye. "You're ok with that?" She nodded, "I think it would be best sir." He nodded back in agreement but didn't break eye contact until Daniel stepped out from his curtain and walked over. They explained to him about how the report was going to be written and he was in agreement however he still wondered what really happened that night.

During the debrief with General Hammond he just couldn't believe the trouble his best team could get themselves into but he trusted them and would accept their reports as they were when they were handed in. Sometimes he just didn't want to know….

The End


End file.
